Again, as compassion is essentially the heart's response to suffering, the wish for beings to be free from suffering. I wanted to talk today about suffering that is hidden beneath the surface. And what I mean by this is when someone presents as happy, peaceful, or fulfilled, yet you can sense there is some sort of suffering happening beneath the surface.

Some examples of this, I think of my wife's grandmother who is into her 90s now and has pretty severe dementia. Her short-term memory doesn't last more than seconds. And yet she's probably the cheeriest person I know. Every three minutes will be like, oh, look at these flowers. They're so beautiful. Oh, you look so nice today. Three minutes later, the same thing. It's just everything that comes out of her mouth is seemingly really just kind and endearing.

And yet spending time with her, I notice there are moments she gets anxious or confused. It's like, oh, those are easy to miss because they're not necessarily vocalized as much. Like, oh, I see those moments too. So this dementia that this person presents is cheery, peaceful, probably is. And yet I have some sense, even beyond the moments of confusion and anxiety, there's something about that condition that is unfavorable.

I also reflect there's someone in a peripheral in my life who I see has a variety of cruel behaviors, antagonistic, taking delight in putting people down. On the surface, when I've talked to them, they seem actually very personable and cheery and happy.

And yet there's a part of me that knows, well, you don't actually get happy by being cruel and antagonistic. Like there's some disconnect there. We might also consider people who we see who are in a pursuit of happiness that we have walked ourselves and know to be a dead end, trying to climb the corporate ladder as a primary pursuit of well-being or being on an endless pursuit of pleasures and thrills and adventures as their core life mission.

Maybe you've done that, seen, oh, this is a dead end. So think of someone I know who is actively against meditation, therapy, any kind of spiritual or self-growth, anything, and for the most part is really quite a happy person, my observations. But this person in my life from time to time, I see they get completely knocked sideways when some stressful event occurs, have very little capacity for things to not go well, pent up emotion bursts out, gets flooded.

So it's, oh, there's something, even when there is a happy state, like something going on beneath the surface there. And so the working question, these are just some examples. I'm sure all of us have others, but when you're with someone and it seems like, well, you seem kind of happy and good. And yet my intuitive sense is there's more to the picture. How do we relate to that in terms of compassion or the Brahmavihāras.

And I think it's helpful to name that the Brahmavihāras, one way I like to think about them is that they're four faces of love.

Loving kindness is this simple goodwill we see towards other beings, the wish for them to be well. Compassion is the wish for them to be free from suffering. That comes out in the face of seeing pain. Muditā or appreciative joy is taking delight in their delight. I feel goodness amidst your goodness. Upekkhā or equanimity is, well, I feel balanced amidst the lack of control that you may have or the cycles you're in.

Just to have that balanced love that I'm just here without getting pulled in. And all of these Brahmavihāras are rooted in a simple care. All of them say, hey, I see you, dear being. I'm here and I care. And that, that's really the essence of all of it. And so it's not actually that important when I'm with my wife's grandmother who has this dementia that I'm like, am I getting the right Brahmavihāra here?

Is this a compassion moment or a loving kindness moment or an equanimity moment or a muditā moment? It doesn't matter. What matters is can I be present with her and say, hey, dear being, I'm here and I care. And people can feel that energy of care. It doesn't matter which flavor it takes. And all of us are wired in a very intelligent way by millions of years of evolution.

Our heart is going to respond in different moments in different ways. We'll see a moment of them having joy, and our heart will resonate with that. We'll see a moment they're in suffering, and our heart will resonate with that. And yet, running parallel to this, how it really doesn't matter which Brahmavihāra you're drawing upon, some of the basic idea of Buddhist training is that all of these can be cultivated.

There are these different pathways that we can nurture along. And so right now, together, we're nurturing along the pathway of compassion. And so with all of these people that I mentioned, different categories of people who present as happy, but maybe there's something more going on, there are some ways we can nurture compassion. One thing I talked about yesterday was the five remembrances.

And so how any being you face, you're present with, you can start to nurture along the pathway of seeing, oh, just like me, you're of the nature to age, become ill, pass away, and be separated from what is dear to you. Like all of us. This is such a timeless and powerful entry point in. I like Stephen Jenkinson in his book, Die Wise. I found this really powerful.

He talked about how death in particular is not something that just happens as a one-time event at the end of your life. He made the point that the moment you're born, you're entering into a dying process.

There's something initially that can be a little jarring about that. But when we take it in, it's like, oh yeah, the clock is ticking for all of us. And so that's a lens I've found can be a real easy, easy is the wrong word, but a real powerful entry point to compassion. Like, oh, we're, you and me both, we're all dying. So yeah, whatever game you're playing and whatever the topic of the day, like, I see you, fellow being, I see you in this world of impermanence, can invoke a deep compassion, regardless of the storyline of what's going on.

Similarly, the Buddha talks about different types of suffering or dukkha, and one is the the suffering of change and that even though right now things may be good for you, they aren't reliable. They're subject to change. Right now, you got the great promotion. Right now, you're having a really happy moment at an excellent trip. Right now, you're sitting there very contented looking at the flowers. Well, I understand that good fortune changes like the wind.

I understand these things aren't reliable and how, like me, you are just trying to find a refuge of well-being and peace, and it's slippery. And to really attune to that is, again, a really profound entry point into compassion, that we all want to be happy, and yet it evades us, at least in this perfectly continuous, enduring way. Another entry point to compassion is to use your imagination, perhaps your wisdom.

Like with my wife's grandmother, I know that, or use my imagination, that there's an element of stressfulness in not knowing where you live, or how to work modern technology, or to go for a simple walk and get lost a block away from home, to have no memory of what happened five minutes beforehand. There's a stressfulness in that, and I can use my imagination. I don't need to tell them, oh, I feel so much compassion for your plight.

It's just an internal mechanism to evoke care. Even the person who I know who I find to be cruel, well, I too have experienced cruelty in my own heart. So I know what that's like. I know there's some suffering in that. They may not see it in themselves, but because I've experienced cruelty, I can know there's some suffering in that. Or the person I may judge to have dead-end pursuits, well, I too have pursued many things and continue to pursue things that don't provide lasting satisfaction.

I get it. I'm on this ride too. And so in all of these things, I probably wouldn't vocalize them to another person, but it's how can I just bring myself into that current of care, that current of compassion? Just an important note to make similar to what Bodhipaksa wrote in the writing we read on Friday. You have to be really careful, especially using imagination and all of this to not get condescending.

Like me over here who has it figured out and you over there who's caught in this pursuit or this behavior that I've been through that and I've got to the other side. Sorry, you over there. It's like the basis of compassion, at least part of it, is to see the commonality, that we're all in this suffering together. We're all siblings in aging, illness, death, loss. We're all siblings in the pursuit of happiness that evades us.

And so to continually come from that basis, yeah, whatever form the heart quivers, it's okay. Whatever we see that evokes that quivering, that works. Can we touch more and more to the heart of these brahmavihāras where it's just a loving heart responding to different conditions.

So today, going into the meditation, even if you took a few minutes at the beginning to kind of prime your practice or prime your heart, you might consider someone in your life who is not obviously suffering. And maybe you have a sense there's some stress under the hood, or maybe not. Maybe just someone who's not obviously suffering.

And feel into your care for them, how they're doing this difficult thing of being a person. how like you, they are already in a dying process. And just work with a single phrase, may you be free from suffering. Just let yourself resonate around that. Repeat it in a rhythmic way, even just for a few minutes. May you be free from suffering, bringing your heart into that current of care, that current of compassion.

So we'll pause here and we'll see you in a little bit.